Sunday, April 13, 2008
{ 12:19 AM }
Hmm, i swear today is an emo day.
I feel so weird. ):
Went out alone to walk walk after work.. Went chinatown to buy 'supposely-cheap' daily products.
However, no matter how many rounds i walked ard tt dunno wad people's park building, i still can't find that shop.
So yep, i gave up.
And i swear im never going back there.
The place seriously pissed me off.
Its like full of ah peks, ah mahs and hmm.. ah peks!
And i hate old people!!! Damn mean i noe.
Anyway, went home and found my room sparkling clean.
Mummy did spring cleaning today.
Yes, i know i shld be grateful yet I just can't help but to be irritated by how she throws away my things without my permission.
And so i have been thinking alot on my way home just now.
I happened to have realised how long i haven been at home.
And suddenly i feel really bad.
It's like the last time i spoke to my mum was a conversation over the phone telling her that im not going home for dinner. And this conversation repeats EVERYDAY.
And the last time i did groceries with my mummy was .... (i can't even remember)
And everyday, i will be at home for a maximum of 8 hours- 7 hrs of slp and 1 hr preparing to get out of the hse.
(Not that i totally love the way im spending time outside.)
I seriously hate this. Not that anyone cares.
But this is getting really irritating. It's like im so shagged recently. Im like wasting time just for the sake of killing time.
I should be seriously spending my time doing more useful things.
And I realised that I am easily irritated recently. I have no idea is it me, or just the people around me. I mean i just carn stop getting pissed off. And i starting to feel like how shaun felt.
I hate what i am seeing and hearing but i just can't do anything but keep it to myself.
I simply have no idea why i just can't get things done my way.
Even better, i found feeling totally how i always felt- FABIAN! Ok, this is from his blog and it so reflects how i feel:
i want more than a friend.
we all need friends. especially if you come from a small family. or if u have a brother who isnt really nice to you. i have so little people to talk to. and those that im close to, im afraid that if i talk 2 much, they will run away. so what do i do. i talk 2 my own freaking brain. and i think it’s stressing my brain cells out.
but the thing is, am i seeking a friend or more than that. why do i always have 2 ask myself this. i have friends right? but why am i discontented? what on earth am i seraching for? why do i always feel sad. am i just being an lazy ass, afraid of doing things on my own. i really need answers. readers out there… enlighten me. show me the path! where are you? do i need more friends or do i need a friendlyierererer friendly friend?
Back to me.
And so, I feel that this blardy starhub job is killing me. And yes, i know. I have been hating it since eons ago and still sticking to it.
In fact this had made me suspect that it has actually nothing to do with the job but the people at the workplace.
I mean i just can't help but to get pissed off with some people ard.
But like what anita said, i digged my own grave so i shouldn't be complaining about it.
Also, no matter how hard i try to communicate with my mum, we end up quarreling.
There was never once we could talk peacefully without shouting at each other.
I guess miscommunication is the biggest problem but the more we try to talk to each other, the more we quarrel.
And omg, tmr is going to be such a dreadful day.
My only off day giving tuition.
Sometimes i just feel like giving up this tuition thing cuz it's freaking stealing my only free time away.
ANYWAY, things i need to do for the following week:
1) TAKE LEAVE!2) To get my hair cut and re-colour. I need a change in hairstyle and colour. The emo-er the better!3) Make reservation for my facial. Cuz it is never going to happen if i don't even put the effort to book for an appointment.4) Hit the gym and stop snacking. Im getting really depressed about my weight gain. No joke, really emo can. ):5) Start going home and spent time with myself.It's going to be 'ME-time' at night.No more 'lets-spend-forever-to-decide-on-wad-to-eat-for-dinners' occasions.6) Shop for clothes, shoes and bag.7) Find a FRIEND who doesn't clash with me. Who eats what i eat, does what i do, and feels exactly like how i feel. Just as boring as me, yet has the capability to cheer me up by making me happier. ( i swear this one cannot be done by nxt week. At least need the nxt 10 years can -.-)8) Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!9) Get a DATE!
(Anw, Anita, we'll watch 'Sex is Zero 2'! I will find my way to get in there! ;) )10) Stop being emo and start listening to cheerful boyband songs to self-cheer myself up if no one can cheer me up.Amy seriously needs a change. I need to remain happy. Not emo. And a new haircut is so going to cheer me up!
Hmm, i dun think anyone is going to care more abt this. And my entry is getting tooo long with all these emo shit.
So yep, im going to slp now so i wun be wasting time convincing myself that a change will happen without me putting effort to change.
BYE!
