I don't exactly know how i am feeling now.
It just seems as though some pieces of me are missing.
I feel like i have alot of emotions stuck inside me.
I dunno what sign is this.
But Im trying to believe that this is due to the time of the month.
I tell myself that i can survive this very well.
But i end up sleepless every night.
Camomile tea, aromatheraphy, counting sheeps, geography textbooks, maths, etc.
You name it, i've tried it.
I feel like i wanna die.
I go out everyday because i don't dare to spend time with myself.
I don't want to face reality.
I just wanna live in a world where unhappiness doesn't exist.
I dread every night.
I try to tire myself to the extent that once i close my eyes, i stop thinking.
I act like as if im on drugs-' happy drugs'.
I am no longer myself.
I dunno why is this affecting me so much.
I dunno if im actually inflicting emotional stress on myself or am i really feeling the pain.
I ran the enitire bukit panjang twice just to feel better.
I spent hours in a steam bath so that no one knows that i was actually crying.
And everytime when i am done torturing myself, i wondered why there's still so much pain left.
I feel like i always did not treasure what i had.
But everytime when i try even harder to treasure someone, i get slapped with more disappointment.
At some point, I already have no grudges anymore. Because grudges only hurt.
To some extent, i just want this bad dream to go away.
I wasn't like this 6 months back.
I did not want to be like this.
I remembered living very well with myself and no one else.
I was self-centred and i was cheerful.
I enjoyed 'Me-time' and i never feared being alone.
Why me, of all people?
Why did it not work out right?
Why are you not giving me any chances to work this out again?
Why ruin me?
Why?
It takes two hands to clap.
And my hand has been left cold for the longest moment..
Should i feel unlucky cuz im going through all these misery once again?
Or should i feel lucky because i've once felt the love and now learnt a lesson?
It's funny how relationships sound so painful.
You break your heart, lose your head,
Fall in love,
And emerge with battlescars.
I don't understand.
I dunno why.
And now, i don't even wanna know why.
I just want to know, 'Now how?'
How? I dunno.
帶我走
到遙遠的以後
帶走我
一個人自轉的寂寞
我不怕 , 帶我走
